Lament of Venus
by anti-viper
Summary: Matthew's journey and the constant pressure of leading has left him bitter, self-loathing, and introverted. As he examines his life, his focus is tri-fold: his father, whom he despises, his lover, whom he shuns, and his duty, which has become his life.
1. Pushing Away

_This is quite the shift. I'm finally writing something with actual angst that goes beyond teen romance (of course it's there too, but still). I'll ramble more after the chapter._

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><p>Chapter 1: Pushing Away<p>

A slight giggle. A bat of her eyelids. A warm smile. He had half a mind to ask Karis to take care of it for him: he certainly didn't want to break another girl's heart. And it was clear that Sveta's heart was in his hand, and he very much so despised that fact. But asking Karis to help… how low could he get? He had broken her heart, and yet he had the gall to even consider asking her to break another girl's for him?

He had tried so hard with Karis to make it clear that he wasn't attracted to her. He had been as indifferent as he freaking could: if she had asked to go on a walk, he had claimed that he was tired in the most disinterested, softest drawl possibly. If she had asked how she looked, he had shrugged, maybe throwing out a half-hearted smile. When she had leant up against him… well, what the hell should he have done but embrace her?

Push her away? Yeah, he should have. He wasn't perfect, he'd give himself that. He should have done everything in his power to make it clear to Karis that he just wasn't interested. Oh, how he had cringed when she said those words: "Do you like me as… more than a friend?"

Karis was a strong girl. She had taken it well, and he had tried to, as subtly as possible, direct her towards Tyrell. As it was, though, he couldn't ask Karis to do this for him. He had to confront Sveta about it, and NOW. Besides, if Karis did, what would Sveta think? Most likely that Karis was out for him, and trying to keep her at bay. What a mess that would be.

Matthew really, honestly wondered sometimes if his father had been this damn depressed during his quest. He must have, at some point; Isaac didn't like to talk about it, but Matthew knew from his Mom that his party had more or less murdered two Proxians in order to try to halt the Lighthouses from being lit. Matthew knew his Dad, and he knew he must have taken that badly. Very, very badly.

Matthew almost felt pity on the off-nights he heard his father lightly sobbing. Almost. Maybe if he hadn't been a complete prick and left Jenna, then he could feel some remorse for Isaac. But, in all honesty, he hated the man.

He had a list of reasons. Abandoning Jenna was the biggest one, no doubt, but there were plenty more: treating his only son like more of a weapon than a child, to be trained and honed, the way he acted like he was always right and the way he always WAS right.

Still, he had to give Isaac credit: Matthew did not know how he managed seven other people all at once. Personally, it drove Matthew insane. Of course, Isaac had been able to rely on Uncle Felix, while Matthew was alone. Trapped, surrounded by people who should be his friends, and who he just… despised.

It hadn't started out that way, but after this quest, he was just about fed up with nearly every member of the party.

Tyrell, his best friend, was an obnoxious goon who was dangerously close to being a womanizer. Which made Matthew feel bad about recommending Karis to him.

Karis was an obnoxious know-it-all who kept "unintentionally" questioning and challenging his leadership, which he was already unsure of enough to begin with. And she was always worried about him or trying to figure him out, while he did his absolute best to be as interesting as stone.

Rief was a mini-Kraden, and while that had thankfully gone away for the most part once Kraden himself had joined their party, it was kind of a moot point now that they had the real thing. He was also so self-righteous that it made Matthew consider doing really terrible things in front of him JUST to get an overblown reaction.

Matthew had just given up on pretending he had any positive feelings towards Amiti: with everyone else in the party, Matthew tried his very best to seem cheery, compassionate, and understanding. Amiti just managed to bring out the worst in him; Matthew hadn't wanted to let him join the party in the first place, very nearly dissolving into a swearing fit when the damned Insight Glass had chosen him. He was just so Gods-damned thick about the most basic things in travel, and was even MORE self-righteous than Rief. Having to spend fifteen minutes convincing him they were indeed going to save Eoleo had been a complete waste of his time and he had despised every moment. Seriously.

Eoleo was a really drunk pirate, and Matthew could pretty much respect that. He at least, unlike the others, seemed to acknowledge that Matthew had enough on his mind, and therefore generally left him alone. He also let them use his ship for free. And he made perverse jokes. Eoleo was definitely winning the best-party-member contest.

Himi was a mime.

And then, there was Sveta (the less said about Kraden the better). Sveta was… oh, Matthew couldn't hate her. They had known each other for a short time, but to be honest, she was very nice. She was caring, pretty, pleasant to be around, and for Venus's sake they had shared souls. He had done his best to hide himself from her, and she hadn't brought it up, so he guessed it had worked, but she had been completely open, and he had seen how great a person she was deep down.

To be perfectly honest, maybe he did like her. But, that was the thing… Jenna had told him a long time ago, that in order to love someone, or to be loved, you have to love yourself. And Matthew didn't.

Hell, how could he? He had just spent the last minute going through his head how much he hated all the people he had spent several months with, who he constantly tried to praise and help. People who were his friends. Or, at least, who called him their friend. It wasn't all bull shit, all the nice things he said to them. It's just that the negatives were still there as well.

He wanted to like them all, it wasn't like it was their fault. Sure, their flaws grated on him, but it was what was wrong with him, not what was wrong with them, that was the problem. Case in point, Matthew was a terrible person. A perfectly serviceable leader, but a terrible, empty, person.

He kept this to himself, because he knew that everyone in the party would be quick to object: they would sit him down and talk of how he had led them through thick and thin, how he had saved their collective hides more than a number of times, how he was so steadfast in battle.

Matthew wouldn't deny that. Hell, as much of a mess as the Eclipse had been, he didn't actually blame himself for that. He was only seventeen, and had been forced to make a lot of split-second and morally-questionable decisions. If Isaac had really given a damn about the Roc Feather (not to mention their safety), he would have gone with them or sent Garet, rather than let them set off on their own. Instead, he let them go alone, and Matthew had been forced to deal with situation after situation that he was not prepared for.

So Matthew didn't think the Grave Eclipse was truly his fault: but he would accept the blame. He knew his actions had somewhat led to it, and had no issue bearing responsibility. It didn't matter much to him, if people blamed him for it. He imagined that the other members of the party would be less willing to take the blame, however, so it made sense for him to do it.

Ah, thinking of others. Matthew allowed himself a small, dark chuckle. He had long lamented the fact that the line between viewing his party as people or as tools and assets had been blurred. As Sveta had held her hand out to him, tears streaming down her face, her brother bleeding in torment behind her, light nearly swallowing her, too weak to do what needed to be done, had he truly felt something move within him?

Or was it just the knowledge that the task had needed to be completed, and that neither was strong enough to do it alone? He had looked forward to it; death. He had realized at that moment, surrounded by ethereal light, that his father had been correct, that the life of a hero was no glamour or beauty, just a slog against what seemed like the impossible. He had wanted it to end, to be sure, but at the last moment, had he felt guilty? That she had to be there with him? She hadn't deserved to die, he knew that logically, but did he CARE?

Matthew had viewed Sveta as a simple animal on his worse days, and as an extraordinarily useful tool on his better ones; at least for a good deal of the journey. He had been charming to her, yes, but only because he first needed her to cross the Teppe Ruins, and then when it became clear that her skill set was invaluable. Her value in his eyes was multiplied ten-fold when it was revealed she was the princess of Belinsk, as it offered the party a guaranteed way into Belinsk Castle, and a hundred-fold when they discovered only she could wield the Umbra Gear.

He had gone out of his way many times to make her feel proud, happy, to make her smile. At first, it was just to keep her in the party, to make sure she would stay with them and provide him with her many uses. But, it became so complicated… he started to… feel something when he said these things. His smiles toward her, they became more than just falsehoods. His compliments started to ring true.

Matthew despised himself for falling in love with Sveta. He knew the kind of man he was: the same as his father. A leader, if that was even the word. Using everyone in his party with terse precision and doing whatever was necessary to accomplish the goal presented. While Matthew had done his best to keep the party alive, he had sent each member into very dangerous situations at least once. He was no hero.

Sure, that may be what people called him, but in reality he was a strategist, a cold and cyclical analyzer, continually looking forward and trying to smother any emotion or un-logical thought that poisoned his mind. The people around him were pawns; they may also be his friends, but they were pawns first. Well… no, pawns was the wrong word. They were the greater pieces on the chessboard. He would fight for them, but still, their duty came first.

A girl like Sveta, a nice girl like her, had no need for someone like him. Someone so cold, so bitter. Matthew had been sculpted into a harsh and cold young man by his father, but he had grown further from that. Originally, Isaac had pushed him as hard as humanly possible, and it had taken Matthew only a short time to realize that he was just that: a tool, a weapon. His father needed him to protect the world, not to be his son.

Matthew had tried to resist, to fight the idea that he was less of a child and more of a project. He had failed. As he had set out on the quest, he had slowly began to degenerate into what would make Isaac proud: a leader willing to do just enough to keep the pieces around him alive while pouring everything into accomplishing the task at hand, and not giving a damn about anything else.

He had hid it, and hid it well. Karis, Tyrell, they had at first been concerned as he became more and more introverted, but after Matthew had fed them lies about just needing time to think as the leader of the party, they had left him alone. And he had sunk deeper, and deeper, and deeper. All he was now was an empty shell, less of a man and more of a set of responsibilities.

But he would not drag Sveta down with him. He would not be a fool like Isaac and ruin an innocent heart in return. No, he would break her heart now, but in the end it would be better. With this firmly in his mind, Matthew rose from his seat at the helm of the ship.

He turned, prepared to seek out Sveta, but instead, came face to face with Karis.

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><p><em>ALL DAT ANGST. As the line goes, it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. I've been playing with the idea of either Isaac, Felix, or Matthew being slight sociopaths for a while now, and this is the result. The elder Venus Adept do make an appearance as well.<em>

_But seriously, Matthew just sitting alone and seething with all this negative energy is a real possibility: I think, more than anyone in the GS universe, he would be adept at hiding his true thoughts and feelings._

_This fic will get into the heart of his issues with what it means to be a son, a leader, and a lover, and how much of each he should be. Isaac and him definitely have issues here, and while Jenna does obviously play a factor, it's a deeper issue than that._

_But seriously, I need to do more Spirit Shipping, so that should be nice. Of course, it doesn't come up till a bit later. Still can't write a fic without putting some Dawn Shipping in somewhere. I disgust myself. I'd really like to do something that involves no shipping, but I'm such a hopeless romantic I doubt that's going to happen._

_For anyone who thinks Matthew's sounding a bit like an asshole: he's supposed to be as of now (I'm actually not sure if I made him mean enough), and he gets worse before he gets better. This fic gets fairly dark, or at least it should._

_I'm pretty sure I said somewhere A Gentler Steam and More Than Just a Third Eye were on my radar in the nearest future, but this came out of nowhere and I figured that if I had it written I may as well post it. No idea when it will be updated._

_Worried this one might be a little all over the place, but that's kind of a reflection of where Matthew's head is right now. So, with that, thank you for reading!_


	2. Rage

_This chapter was hard to write. I think why becomes pretty apparent as things go on. Also… this fic gets pretty dark. If last chapter was Matthew simmering, this is him raging, so if anyone isn't a fan of angst, I'm just saying… this chapter gets pretty deep in it._

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><p>Chapter 2: Rage<p>

Karis was biting her lip, and Matthew knew what that meant. She was worried, and since she was in front of him, probably about him. He really did not need to deal with this right now, but it looked like he had no other choice.

It was confirmed that he had no choice when Karis spoke. "Matthew… I wanted to talk to you about how distant you've been lately." Matthew made a motion to interrupt her, but she continued, ignoring it. "I understand why; or, even more so why I can't. The amount of burden leading us must hold in your heart and mind… I'm sorry. With everything that's happened, with the Eclipse, the Tuaparang, and Sveta and you and her brother… well, I understand why you may be feeling down." She reached to him and touched his arm with her hand.

_Where does the part where you try to lead the party in my stay come in?_ Matthew thought to himself. _You say you understand, but you don't. _He tried to block the words, gritting his teeth as he attempted to purge his mind from the venom that it was spewing, lest it spit from his mouth. It failed. _You're just an idiot girl who thinks that being noble and being a hero is so damn rewarding and so damn amazing, when you don't have a fucking clue about—_

"And I'm here to talk to you, if you'd like to. Being this quiet and confined… it isn't healthy, Matthew." Karis frowned, and while the obvious and heartfelt concern on her face should have touched his heart, it seemed to slap him instead.

Restraining himself from lashing out, he breathed deeply and muttered, "I'm fine. I just don't like talking with other people. The events… they happened, I'm dealing with them, I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Karis replied, a fire burning in her eyes, unwilling to let it go once more. Slowly, fire began to light in Matthews' as well. _Don't tell me what I am or am not, you ignora—_ "You're not fine, you're hurt, and you're keeping it all inside rather than letting the people who care about you help." _I wonder, would you care about me if you knew I didn't give a damn about you?_ "Let… let me help. I mean, I can relate to what you're going through." _No you can't. Everyone who died, who we've killed, every corpse is mine to bury, but instead they have lied limp on the ground and rotted in darkness. You have no idea what I have gone through and what goes through my mind. _"If, if you need it, if you're not feeling up to it, I could help you lead, or lead while you re—"

"What a surprise, you're trying to play the leader again? Do you think I'm that stupid, that you can talk me out of it that easily?" Matthew hissed, speaking with more anger than he had ever used before in his entire life. As the searing words his mind had barred began to flow, his head now filled with different thoughts, urging him to stop. _Karis is your friend. She cares about you. You almost loved her… remember?_ He pushed them away, his rage building.

Karis flinched from his words; Matthew had seen her take blow after blow and recover, but for the first time in his recent memory she appeared vulnerable, weak. "M-Matthew, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant," She said softly, trying to be soothing, as she raised her hands in… attempt to calm him? Or in defense? _She was just trying to be kind… she just doesn't understand._

"I know that things have been hard on you, you just need to open up. I'm willing… to do whatever you need me to. You can trust me with anything. I mean, you and I are close, we've known each other for so long, if you ever need to talk, alone, or whatever…"

"Trying to get in my pants again? You're such a broken record. I don't like you like that Karis, I don't want your advice, I don't need you to lead, and I certainly don't need this bullshit. If you want to help me, leave me alone, and learn your damn place." Matthew paused after the words had spilled off his tongue like lava. Had… had he said that out loud?

He spared a look at Karis, afraid of what he would see, and the reality matched his fears. Her eyes were watering, but she held back her tears. Her entire body quivered, especially her hands, which were balled into tight fists. He couldn't tell what she was closer to: breaking down, or breaking him.

After an uneasy silence filled by only her harsh breathing, she said steadily, "Fine, if that's the way you feel, then I'll leave you alone. I'll be in my room." Her eyes sparked as she seemed to be on the brink of saying so much more, but she held her tongue, and turned from him then, walking speedily to the stairs leading underground.

Matthew stared after her, regret filling him, but even greater was the emptiness. His oldest… his closest friend… _Was a stubborn bitch who refused to let him do what he needed to do._ But… Karis was… he shook his head, and shut his eyes. This was so damn confusing. Why hadn't she just… couldn't she see that… why did—

Matthew opened his eyes, determined to go after her (despite being completely unsure of what he would actually say or do once he caught her), but in front of him now stood a very concerned Sveta.

"Matthew… what was wrong with Karis? She looked so upset…" Sveta began, her ears drooped low, and her green eyes sullen.

Matthew turned away from her, and stared into the ocean. Now, of all times, was not when he should be talking to Sveta… she was just as much of a mess as he was. _And you haven't done anything to comfort her, have you?_ His mind spit forth, and he scowled. "I've been just as miserable," He hissed under his breath. "And no one's tried to comfort me — FUCK!" He shouted, exposing the obvious flaw in his logic.

_You're just completely selfish… and quite the monster too. Karis is crying, right now. You know that right?" _Matthew growled, his own mind pushing his patience to its limits. It's like he was trying to destroy himself.

"M-Matthew? You're scaring me… is everything alright?" Sveta's concerned voice drew him from himself. He wanted to whip around and scream at her that everything was far from alright, but instead he stayed rooted to the deck, his hands grasping the railing so hard he thought it might — CRACK!

Matthew, with a look of complete indifference, held up the piece of railing he had just snapped off the boat and stared at it. With a sigh, he put it down, and calmly asked, "Sveta… when we shared souls, what did you see?"

"What did I see?" She asked, and he sighed.

"Yes; what was my soul like to you. What kind of person am I?" He whispered, his back still turned to her. He feared what her eyes may look like right now.

"Oh, Matthew… it's so hard to judge another," She began, clearly confused as to where this was going. "Mostly what I saw was what I expected to see; your kindness, your nobleness, your caring… but…"

"But?" He asked, turning quickly to face her.

Her face was drawn into a frown, and she replied, "But there was another part to you. It was dark, so dark… and it frightened me. It seemed to be weak, to be dormant, but I didn't go near it. I could tell that you wished me to stay away from it, so I did."

Matthew's shoulders slumped. "Okay… just wondering." Without another thought, he walked straight by her and headed below deck. He half expected Sveta to call out to him or walk after him, but she did not. He knew his feet were leading him to Karis's room, and he tried to form what he would say to her once he reached it.

His mind was still in a war over whether or not he even should apologize. One side clearly believed that she had caused the entire incident, and that he was in no way at fault. The other couldn't believe he had yelled such… despicable and vile things to one of his closest friends. Karis had always been there for him. Always. She didn't deserve to hear any of what he had said, even if in his mind she had pushed him to that point.

He reached her door, and sighed. Without a second thought, as he knew if he allowed himself one he would most likely talk himself out of apologizing, he knocked on the door.

"If it's Matthew, go away," Came her reply quickly. He ground his teeth together; he was trying to be apologetic, and this was the response he go — no, she had a right to be mad. He just needed to… take things slowly and calmly.

"Karis, I'm sorry," He began, trying to sound as sincere as he could. "I… I don't know what came over me. You were just trying to be helpful. You're one of my oldest friends, and I can't lose you." _You already have. You've pushed her away. It's going to happen with all of them… just like with your father. Maybe Tyrell will stay by your side like Garet does, but even Garet travels away from the plateau often enough. You'll be alone. _

He bit his tongue so hard it began to bleed, in fear his malicious thoughts would spring from his mouth once more. Please… she'd accept his apology. She had to…

The door in front of him opened suddenly, and in front of him stood Karis. Her eyes were red, and her frown seemed like it was unmovable. Before she even opened her mouth, he knew she hadn't accepted his apology, and that he was not going to like what she would say; for a split second, he contemplated running away before she began to berate him, but then she began to speak.

"You… I… you're not you anymore, Matt. You used to be such a happy person, cheery, caring, such a good friend. But now… I don't even know you," She whispered, her eyes matching his in intensity. "The Matthew I know wouldn't have said any of those things… and while I appreciate that you still care enough to come and try to apologize, you didn't mean anything you just said. Your mind told you that you should care, but be honest… do you?"

Matthew breathed heavily, his eyes digging deep into hers. He should just… she was completely right. Of course she was; Karis was almost always right. Kind of annoying, actually… "You think you're so perfect, don't you" He barked suddenly, and even though she was obviously prepared for another shouting match, she flinched slightly.

"You think that you know everything? Huh? I bet you do; you're always so high and mighty, acting like you can lead the party? Go ahead, lead it! I'm done!"

"M-Matthew, listen to you! This isn't—" Karis responded, trying to calm him down, but his raging shouts drowned her out.

"You think that leading is easy? You think that watching monsters and maniacs constantly trying to dismember and murder your best friends is easy? HUH!" Matthew had lost all control, throwing his arms wildly as he raged. "Do you know how old Himi is? HER BROTHER'S ALREADY OUT TRAVELLING THE WORLD. She almost DIED when we fought the Chaos Chimera. You know who would have had to bring her dead, limp corpse in his arms to her parents? ME!"

Various bits of thought tried to gain dominance in his mind, telling him he was losing it, telling him to calm down, but they simply became lost in his anger. "DO YOU WANT THAT? Then take it! Go ahead and lead, make my day! I'm so tired of it…" He leaned forward, and despite the obvious fear in her eyes, Karis held her ground.

As he spoke, he began to stick his finger forcibly in her direction again and again. "While you were off having fun as the daughter of the mayor Kalay, guess where I was? On that damn plateau, having my Dad grind into me day after day that I was more of a tool than a person, that my entire life would be protecting the world, that I wouldn't ever get a chance to be a freaking kid again… to enjoy life…" He trailed off, looking toward the ground.

"I don't even… I don't even remember hearing him say that he loved me," He whispered, his rage doused and replaced with misery. "I'm not even a son to him… and Mom… she sees it. She sees that I'm becoming just like him. She used to tell me that she loved me, but now she doesn't; or at least, she doesn't mean it. Who could blame her? Her ex-husband who wouldn't put her above watching a Gods-Damned mountain just SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING changed her son into what she feared most… she can't look at me without seeing him. I can't look at me without seeing him… I HATE him."

"He took the only person that understood me, my Mom away…" Matthew trailed off once more, squeezing his fists so hard he thought his blood vessels would explode. "And with the Grave Eclipse… what if she…"

"Matthew… the Eclipse… I know you blame yourself, but it wasn't your—" Karis said soothingly, trying to take the lull in his tirade as a opportunity to calm him down further.

It only fanned the fire. "How do you know what I FEEL!" He screamed, moving even closer to her now, speaking so violently that she had no choice but to move backwards. "You keep saying 'Oh, Matthew, you're not acting like you used to'. GUESS WHAT! IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT THE MATTHEW YOU KNEW! All I am is a guardian, a leader, someone who's supposed to swallow all their feelings and ignore them! And you hit the nail on the head, I don't care about you!"

Up until now, Karis had weathered his storm, keeping her eyes on him and trying to ignore his shouting and harsh words. But here, she faltered, her eyes widening and her face scrunching up.

"You don't know who I am anymore, you don't even know me, so why should I care about you?" He seethed, his voice cracking as all his shouting began to take its toll. "None of you do! I thought maybe Sveta, when she touched my soul… but even she just thinks I'm perfectly happy, that I'm a good person, that I'm… all of those things I'm not! I don't even know what any of you are to me… I don't want you to die, but I just… you aren't… you don't… you don't understand. You CAN'T understand."

"Matthew… stop it, just stop it, please, you're going too far, you don't mean any of that—" Karis pleaded, trying to stretch her hand out to him, but as her fingers touched his own, his hand darted back.

He looked at her then, and his eyes were more filled with fear than she had ever seen; the ocean blues she had fallen in love with seemed moments from fissure. "All I do is break things… I left the Soarwing out the day Tyrell took it… I caused the Eclipse… I broke your heart… Sveta's brother, so many people… dead… I'm no fucking hero."

"Matthew, please, let me help—" Karis reached her hand out once more to console him, but Matthew dodged it, and dashed toward her.

"Leave me a—!" Thankfully, Karis was very adapt at close range combat (possibly the quickest striker in the party), or else he would have collided with her quite violently. Her fist smashed into Matthew's face, and sent him spiraling backwards. He landed awkwardly on his side, panting heavily. She hoped, for a brief moment, that she had smacked him back to his sense, but within a moment he had positioned himself to leap toward her once more.

She readied herself, but before Matthew could reach her, a blur of red came from across the room and tackled him to the floor. Karis quickly realized Tyrell had knocked Matthew down to the floor, and seizing the moment she raised her hand and cast Sleep on the Venus Adept. It took her several, as he struggled to fight their effects, but eventually, he began to feel drowsy, and felt Tyrell lift off of him.

Before he lost himself to the Psynergy, he heard them speak. "What the hell just happened?" That must be Tyrell…

"H-He's not okay, Tyrell. Something is terribly wrong with him… and I have no idea what. I've never seen him act like this before." Karis, that sounded like Karis. She sounded… so sad… why had he made her sound like that.

He felt his consciousness wane, and his eyes drooped shut. His last thought was, _Karis… I'm sorry_.

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><p><em>One of the things that I always find odd (and it's funny because I've done it) is how quickly people brush over the Grave Eclipse. It really is a unique event in the GS Universe, as it was the first true tragedy that befell the series; sure, there were "almost tragedies", and a few Proxians died, but said Proxians were written as antagonists at the worst, and really, really, terribly despicable protagonist at the best.<em>

_While obviously this Matthew has more than that going through his mind, it's one of the primary focuses here; to anyone who may cite the fact that he said something along the lines of not blaming himself for the Eclipse in the first chapter, that was him literally trying to convince himself he doesn't._

_In reality, he does. Matthew here has taken on so much unwanted responsibility, that it's literally driving him nuts. As some may suspect, there could be something else wrong with him, as well. Let's just say I also thought the idea of someone giving someone their soul for an extended period of time and feeling no repercussions of such an act is a bit far-fetched in my opinion._

_But damn, all that angst. I felt terrible writing this; I love Karis and Matthew, and having to write him as so miserable and just twisted is slightly difficult. Not to mention he REALLY ragged on Karis this chapter. There's a reason for that, of course; she's one of his closest friends from the past, and even beyond that, she is probably who we would go to for more deep matters (no offence to Tyrell…). So, even though obviously he lashes out at her, it's almost like he's trying to listen to her as well, because deep down he knows she is right._

_Did… did all that angst seem too over-the top? It was supposed to be slightly so, to show that he's no quite himself, but it still should have been fairly believable. I considered letting him simmer for a few more chapters, but I figured that would get old quickly, and that it would be better to get it all out._

_A small Sveta sighting in this chapter; she has a larger role to play later on. Got this in on time… BARELY, which is good. The next chapter should be a bit more Sveta/Matthew, a flashback, and some revelations. And maybe a surprise! Thank you for reading!_


	3. Caged

_Forgive me for the horrible chapter title in advance. Ugh. Well, this came out a day late, as I've been lazy and playing too many video games. I had hoped to get a lot of writing done this break, and still plan on it._

_My original intent was update each multi chap twice, so that would mean by Sunday I would have to update MTJATE twice, SWWF twice, and AGS and LoV once. Uh. That's about one per day. Possible? Yes. Will I do it? We shall see! I really can't half ass it either because if I only do two double updates it would throw the whole schedule out of whack._

_Anyway, here's chapter three._

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><p>Chapter 3: Caged<p>

_"Are you actually trying, right now?" Isaac dully questioned, his boot pressing into Matthew's chest and driving it into the ground. Matthew remained silent, trying to conjure up numerous thoughts in an attempt to forget about his current situation. Karis was coming over later for dinner; he would get to see Tyrell tomorrow. And Mom was—_

_ His thoughts died as a sharp pain dug deep into his back. The familiar sensation of blood shooting up his throat occurred, and after a moment he reared back and spat it out. It splattered upon the flat rock in a grizzly manner. Matthew knew he should stay down, should fight the feeling, should do the exact opposite of what his father wanted him to do… _

_ "Quake Sphere!" Came his father's voice, and Matthew barely rolled out of the way in time. "Weak! All you do is defend and dodge, attack me!"_

_ "RAGNAROCK!" Matthew screamed, drawing his sword and slicing it forward. The golden blade hung in the air so majestically for a moment, before flying forward… and shattering with a swipe of Isaac's hand. _

_ "You always talk about how much Jenna loves you; you're lucky I don't bring up how pathetic you are in training, or her opinion would quickly change," Isaac muttered, taking a casual battle stance._

_ "She loves me just the way I am!" Matthew spat back, rearing his sword into a stance resembling a wounded animal backing into a corner. "Unlike you," he hissed under his breath, and Isaac rolled his eyes._

_ "Please; this is about you needing to become stronger, not my feelings toward you," Isaac replied, clearly growing annoyed at the distraction from training._

_ "Then just say it; tell me you love me. Tell me I'm actually your son, and not just a tool for you to sharpen and use," Matthew said, stalling for both time to recover his breath and strength and in the hope that he could strike a nerve. _

_ It looked like he indeed had, as Isaac's grimace at his comments indicated. "Oh, so she's been feeding you that bullshit, huh?" The elder Venus Adept replied, obvious annoyance in his voice. "I'm not surprise; she doesn't understand. We have a duty to this world, and she's decided to turn her back on it—"_

_ "BULLSHIT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TURNED YOUR BACK ON HER! YOU—" Matthew didn't finish as a Spire slammed into him, pinning him to the ground. _

_ "You need," Isaac whispered with deadly venom. "To learn to watch your mouth. When you make you way back up, take no dinner and sleep. You'll need it for tomorrow." Matthew was about to ask him what he was supposed to make his way back up from, but before he could, Isaac shouted, "ODYSSEY!" _

_ Matthew gulped; he had hit a never indeed, and much harder than he had intended. He didn't bother shielding himself, as Isaac's power was far greater than his own. He let his body hang limp as the attack slammed against him, and flung him off the plateau. _

_ Matthew's consciousness lasted about half way down the mountain, his frail body being smashed and scraped again and again against the sharp crags and blunt rocks, before the trauma became too much, and he fainted._

_ Silence. A few bird chirps. And then a girl's voice: "Dad… I think… is that… a person? Oh, oh my gods! Matthew!"_

_ "Karis?" Matthew whispered, trying to open his eyes, but quickly finding the effort painful. "Karis?"_

"Karis?" Matthew whispered, his eyes fluttering open. He glanced around him, trying to shake the dream from his past away; it wasn't exactly a pleasant memory.

"Karis isn't here… but I am," Came a voice from somewhere in front of him. Gradually his vision became clearer, and he recognized the speaker as Sveta. In front of her, though, were numerous iron bars.

"…The hell?" Matthew said, realizing that he was in some sort of makeshift prison.

"I apologize, for your being confined," Sveta piped up again, sensing his confusion. "Everyone else thought it would be better… they said you were dangerous." Her ears flattened, and she frowned. "I didn't agree, but they thought it was necessary to take precautions. Karis put a Psynergy seal on you, and we removed your Djinn while you were out."

"Thank you for telling me before I tried to punch my way through the bars," He replied jokingly, and Sveta giggled.

"So… how do you feel?" She asked, and he shrugged.

"Fine, to be honest," Matthew replied, opening and squeezing his hands as if to confirm his assessment. "But… is what I remember correct? Did I… with Karis?"

"Yes, you, um, did get into quite a rage," Sveta replied hesitantly; he could see the fear in her eyes. Even she thought he was a walking time bomb that needed to be put in a cage. Whoa. Where had _that_ come from? Matthew rubbed his temples, trying to focus on more pleasant thoughts.

"Sveta? How is she? Is she doing alright?" Matthew asked, preparing himself for her answer. Sveta's body stiffened and her frown deepened.

"She… she'll be okay. She's just worried, about you, I think. We all are," Sveta whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"Has she… told anyone what I said?" Matthew pushed, needing to know whether or not he had pulled the strings that connected them as friends too far.

"She spoke briefly of it, but… not much," Sveta replied, clearly wanting to say as little as possible.

"Please, Sveta," Matthew pleaded, reaching his hands through the bars. "I need to know if she's alright, because I can only really remember half of what I said. I understand you're all… fearful of me, and I don't blame you."

"You've been acting very strange since the Apollo Lens," Sveta whispered, taking his hand through the bar, and squeezing it tightly. "But I trust you; or else I wouldn't be down here. Karis is going to be okay, but right now she isn't in the best place. She's been crying a good deal, and refused to speak about most of what you said until recently… and even then it was only through me Spirit Sensing her, with her permission of course, that we pieced together what had happened."

"…So you saw it all, then?" Matthew inquired, a tinge of embarrassment in his voice.

"Y-Yes…"Sveta replied with a slight whimper, and it was only then that Matthew realized a few different things; how terrified Sveta must be of him, how much she must care for him, to be willing to risk herself like this, and finally how angry and malicious he truly had been. All of these realizations drew a complex range of emotions out of him, and he wasn't truly sure how he felt.

"Matthew, you have to understand, it clearly wasn't you," Sveta continued, trying to placate him. "W-We think there's something wrong, but we have no idea what." There was silence for a few moments, as Matthew stared off into place. In an expression of support, she squeezed his hand tighter, and he couldn't help but smile slightly. It was quickly replaced with a frown.

"What if there isn't something wrong?" Matthew supplied quietly. "What if it's just me?" Sveta fell silent, her ears drooping, and Matthew felt, however slightly, something stir from within his very core. He fought the feeling the moment he sensed it rising; his anger and lamentation would not get the better of him again.

"It isn't, Matthew," Sveta whispered, but she didn't seem convinced. She seemed worried. "I know what kind of person you are; I believe in you. You know that, right?" She smiled, and he felt his heart warm. She cared for him, and so did the rest of the party. But… what of Karis? He… if he tried, if he really tried to apologize, she would forgive him, right? She had to.

"I mean… you've always been so kind to me," She continued, and he felt the feeling of warmth fade slightly. Kind? "The first time we met, you seemed cold, and I feared that you had already judged me because of my race." Her face sunk for a moment before she smiled. "But then you were so nice to me, always protecting me in battle, complimenting me, and smiling. It meant a lot to me."

Matthew wanted to vomit after hearing her praise, and seeing her face light up while speaking of him. All those months he had used her and viewed her as just a tool, she had believed he had cared for her deeply. All the slight pleasantries he had directed her way to win her favor had meant something to her. And when he had defended her, knowing she very much so held the key to ending the Eclipse, she had believed it to be… love? If not that, some deep friendship.

Wouldn't it have been so easy, to ignore the voice in his head driving him to view her as an asset only, and hold her, to actually mean those smiles and compliments the entire journey, rather than only the last month? Instead, he had followed his father's law to the letter. He had used her, and she thought him a hero for it. The thought made him disgusted.

"Better," He whispered, his fingers falling free and his hand sliding back into his cage. "You deserve better."

"…Matthew?" Sveta questioned, reaching further through the bars to try to reach his hand. "What's wrong?"

"Up until a month ago," He whispered flatly, his eyes examining the wooden wall in front of him. "I did all of that solely to use you, solely because I needed you to complete this quest. It had nothing to do with pleasant feelings. With wanting to be your friend. With wanting to see you as a human being. Like I've done with every member of the party besides Tyrell and Karis, I tried to do what was necessary to make you a working member of the group, but keep myself at a distance."

He laughed coldly, and shook his head. "But with you, it didn't work. No, you were just too… pretty. Too kind. Too nice. In the last month, I couldn't stop the feelings from coming, they occurred naturally. I hated myself for it; you deserve better. I'm not even human, Sveta." He spat out the words with renewed fury, standing up and slamming his fist into the wall, causing feint cracks to appear in it. "All I am is a tangled web of goals and duties."

"…Is this what you father taught you?" Sveta asked calmly, and he froze in shock before remembering that she had indeed heard him speak of his father; at least, through Karis's memories. Though, come to think of it, he wouldn't put it past Karis to discuss Isaac's treatment of him with Sveta, as the green-haired girl had always distrusted Isaac ever since the day she had found him bloodied and bruised at the bottom of Goma Plateau.

"It doesn't matter who taught me it; it's what I've learned, and it's a part of me," Matthew muttered, closing his eyes as he prepared to do something he truly didn't want to do.

"Then fight it!" Sveta shouted, standing up and gripping both bars with force. "You're so strong Matthew, and you refuse to believe it! It's like you're willing to fight for everything else in the world but yourself!"

Matthew turned to her, hesitation clouding his judgment. "…I'm not worth it."

"Like hell you aren't!" She shouted once more, passion filling her voice. "You are to me."

"I… I used you! How can you say that?" He questioned in disbelief.

Sveta shook her head, and replied, "Are you sure you did? Or did this mindset of yours just tell you that? What if, that entire time, you really did care for me, and just didn't admit it to yourself?"

"You don't understand!" Matthew shouting, joining her in grabbing the bars and bringing his face less than a foot from hers. "It wasn't just you! Every single damn person in the party, I've tried to look at them as just pieces on a chess board, and—"

"And you failed to! You tried to view me like that, but you failed! And I bet you have done the same with the rest of the party!" She argued, but he shook his head.

"Why do you care so much? Everything I've done has caused you pain; the Eclipse, forcing you to don the Umbra Gear and put yourself in front of the light, ordering you to attack Volechek…"

"Matthew, those are all false hoods," Sveta replied, grabbing his hands now. "I'm as responsible for the Eclipse as you are, I agreed to wear the Umbra Gear and no one else could have, and none of us knew that the beast we were facing was Volechek." He knew what she said was true but… he was the leader. Everything that happened, he had to be held accountable. And all of that, he could have stopped. Hell, if he hadn't started the Eclipse the other two never would have happened!

"As for your other question…" Sveta whispered, breaking him from his thoughts. "I care because I believe the Matthew I know is real, and that he's a good person. That I've gotten to know you these months, and that the person I grew to love wasn't a lie. I think that you are a good person, and that you don't give yourself enough credit. And that you have something inside you that you need to fight. But not alone! Please, let me help you."

"…I've, I've already asked enough of you," Matthew replied, feeling tears swell in his eyes. The image of the light bending and twisting the Umbra Gear into Sveta's very flesh crossed his mind, as did the image of her cradling her brother's mangled body. "I don't want to hurt you, or anyone else."

"Matthew! Please, listen to me! I—Ah!" Sveta shrieked as Matthew's hand gripped her arm and twisted it.

"Give me four of your Jupiter Djinn; that should be enough for me to break these bars," Matthew stated flatly. He hated having to resort to this, but he needed to get out of his cage and off this ship. He'd fine his Djinn, the Sol Blade, and then leave.

"Or what?" She yelped, calling his bluff. "I'm not a fool, Matthew; you have nowhere to go, we're in the middle of the ocean, to begin with. And do you except me to believe you would honestly cause me harm?"

Matthew's rage, which had been somewhat subdued, suddenly reared its ugly maw once again. "You don't know me! Don't you see that I'm trying to help you, and keep you from me? I'm nothing but pain!" Matthew suddenly felt his eyes droop. What? Oh… no… Sleep.

"I'm sorry, Matthew… but you left me no choice," Sveta's words pierced his mind as he was subdued by Psynergy for the second time in twenty four hours. "Don't worry; we'll find out what's wrong with you. We'll make you better. I know you're a good person, Matthew. Please… rest." With her words, he felt his eyes shut fully. Going to sleep to her voice… it was a nice sensation. If only he deserved to feel it.

* * *

><p><em>Less angry angst. Angst all the same. I'm going to keep this short because I'm tired and I've been staying up too late. To begin with, if Isaac comes off as a douche, then yes, it's because he's a douche… at least from Matthew's point of view (Mwahahaha). I'll leave it open regarding whether or not Isaac is actually that cruel or if it's Matthew's mind over exaggerating.<em>

_I worry that Matthew and Sveta get a little too cliché in here at times. I also worry that Matthew being so angsty every chapter is going to get old quickly, but there are a few highs and lows along the way. It's not the same old record over and over again, so to speak._

_I'm scared that this isn't at as high of a quality as it should be, because little editing happened, and I kind of pushed through it. I'll give it a looksy tomorrow for some editing; I'll mention in chapter four if any big changes occur. Thanks for reading!_

_Edit: Did some light editing, just because I really didn't get the chance to previously. Hopefully I can get another one of these in sometime this week._


	4. Different Poles

_This week on Lament of Venus: Is Matthew still an angsty wreck? Can Sveta break him out of it? Can the author get back on his damn schedule? Is the author heavily sleep deprived, and posting this instead of working on homework? IT APPEARS THAT ALL THE QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED WITH A RESOUNDING YES._

_For such a short chapter, this should have been uploaded earlier. I apologize. Anyway, here we go, this one is kind of interesting, and a bit of a change of pace._

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: Different Poles<p>

"Wakey, wakey, buddy!" Came a voice from above Matthew, who was stubbornly grasping to sleep. His dreams through the night had been plenty odd and painful in some cases, but he had finally got into a relaxed state after hours of shifting around; that was, he had, and now was being forced out of it.

"Hmmm? He responded tiredly, looking up to see Tyrell smiling down at him. "Hey, Tyrell… is it time to get up already? I — wait, what the hell?" Matthew shot up, glancing back and forth between his hands and Tyrell. "I should be… unless… the cell… and Karis…"

"Oh, that all happened," Tyrell replied with a shrug. "We let you out."

"…Who on Weyard thought that would be a good idea?" Matthew asked sharply, in complete disbelief that he had been let free.

"Sveta," Tryell replied with a yawn. "She said you were more of a danger to yourself locked up than you were to us free, and we voted and agreed."

"Why…I freaking tried to break her arm to let me out, why on earth would she trust me?" Matthew whispered to himself more than Tyrell, but his words caused the Mars Adept to raise his eyebrow.

"…Well, she didn't mention that. She seemed completely sold on the idea, but not everyone was," Tyrell said, acting as he normally did.

"…Who was against letting me out?" Matthew questioned, figuring he knew the answers already, but wanting to make sure.

"Amiti and Karis," Tyrell said, with somewhat of a frown. "Amiti thinks that releasing you after you nearly attacked Karis was a bit dumb, and Karis… well, from what I've heard she kind of has a legitimate beef. I tried to talk her out of it, but no luck."

"No surprise on the Mercury Adept," Matthew seethed, vividly imagining pushing the prince off the boat. "Not really with Karis either… is she alright? I tried to get a firm answer out of Sveta, but she didn't seem to want to give me one."

"…Uh, she was pretty broken up… I talked to her about it, but we both know how bad I am about stuff like that," Tyrell said with a frown, and Matthew narrowed his eyebrows.

At the least, Tyrell could try to – _What do you expect? He's a clumsy oaf. Karis is much too good for him, but that didn't stop you from pushing them together._ The feeling of rushing venom returned, as Matthew felt his mind waver. These thoughts… he had hoped that they were gone or fading, but now they were back in full force.

"You should try… you two are together, after all," Matthew replied, trying to sound kind, but it came out hollow.

Tyrell shrugged, and replied, "I guess. She's still not really into our relationship sometimes, though."

_Hung up on me, because I'm better than you._ Matthew breathed slowly, trying to think calmly. _And I'm pretty fucked up, so imagine that? At least I'm honest, at least I understand. Tyrell? He's even more of a tool than I am. I just keep him around because he's a battering ram that will go through anything in front of him. Friend? Ha, please._

"Bullshit!" Matthew shouted spontaneously, drawing Tyrell's gaze.

"…Uh, you okay?" He asked, and Matthew grimaced.

"The hell do you think? Do I look okay? Do I sound okay?" Matthew barked, turning his back to his "best friend". There was a pause, as Matthew tried to put his thoughts into words and weed out the anger in them. "Listen… Karis is a good girl. She deserves attention and… to…"

"No offense Matthew, but you're really not in a place to talk about how Karis deserves to be treated," Tyrell replied with a tone of defiance that instantly awakened something deep inside Matthew. "You've been treating her like shit, not to mention how you more or less strung her along for two years. You had your chance with her, I'm doing my best."

"Your best? Is that what you call it?" Matthew hissed, moving close to the Mars Adept. "The reasons I'm not with her is because I'm not good enough for her," _Oh, please, I'm at least better than him, and let's be honest; I can get someone better than Karis anyway,_ "And you've been treating her just as badly, I see the way you look at her body… admit it, you care about her as a friend, but this relationship is all about you getting into her pants," _As whiny as she is, I probably should have taken that when it was still in front of me… _"And I wouldn't have lashed out at her if she would have just left me," _Oh, please, you loooove the attention, he's right you know, you love stringing her along and watching her dote upon you and breaking her heart again, and again, and again, and — _"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Matthew breathed heavily as he stared at the ground. Why couldn't he just speak without hearing his own voice mock him and everything around him? What the hell was going on? He looked up to see Tyrell torn between confusion and anger. As long as they'd known each other, he and Tyrell had never really gotten into an argument, and the Mars Adept seemed unsure of what to do. For a few moments, Tyrell flexed his fits, possibly preparing to strike. Matthew was ready; he was faster, stronger, and much, much more angry.

"I didn't believe them at first, but there is something seriously wrong with you, Matt," Tyrell said flatly, ending the silence and releasing his balled up fists. "I'm leaving; we both know how I get when I'm angry, and you're pushing my buttons. Leave Karis alone, and talk to me when you feel better." The Mars Adept turned and left without another word, leaving Matthew alone.

_My, my, someone's forgetting they're place, aren't they? _Came the voice in his mind. _Then again, what a place; perpetually behind you, being used at a hammer to smash anything in your way. And while you'd never admit it, the only reason you really kept him around was because he made you look so good. You, the wise, silent leader, next to the bumbling baboon. He's more of a friend to you than you are to him, honestly. Yes, he's too stupid to have any idea about how you truly feel, but at least he tries. _

Matthew ignored his thoughts, stoically getting dressed as they continued to echo in his mind. As annoying as they were, nothing reduced them, nothing lessened them, and responding to them only caused him to get angrier. So, ignoring it was. But how was he supposed to ignore himself?

Matthew exited his room, and turned to see Amiti strolling down the hallway, dressed in his obnoxious attire that the Venus Adept so despised. The Ayuthayan frowned for a brief moment as he viewed Matthew, before asking, "Good morning, Matthew, how are—"

"Fuck you," Matthew said and thought at the same time, walking past the Mercury Adept without another word. He smirked darkly as he rounded the corner; at least he and his bitter thoughts could agree on one thing.

Well, it's not as if his thoughts were completely untrue… nasty, yes, but they all held some ring of truth to them. Distorted a bit, but never-the-less… Especially about Karis. Hell, emotionally, he just didn't care. But she would have been a great physical outlet the long nights he had stared at the inside of his tent, trying to find sleep and instead wallowing in his own self pity and anger. And while he wouldn't have told her ANYTHING about his emotions, he could stand to listen if she wanted to talk, and nod repetitively as if he was paying attention.

Why hadn't he taken her up on the offer? Because he had been afraid to hurt her… _Oh, please, she wanted it. You were just scared to get into a relationship with someone you didn't have deep feelings for. It didn't stop your father._ True… but, Mom and Dad actually loved each other… at least, that's what she – _No. He used her; that's what you are a product of. _So… I shouldn't have tried to be with her? _NO! YOU SHOULD HAVE USED HER!_

But… Karis is my friend. I couldn't just use her… _Haven't we been over this? None of these people are your friends. You use them daily. That's all they are to you; tools. Pieces on a board. Any attachment to them is created purely so that they believe you care._ But I do care! Sveta, and — _Ah, you mean the girl who you were about to runaway from? The one that you won't let in? The one you only saw as a beast? Oh, right. HER._

I wanted to run for her… please, why can't I understand that? _For her? She wanted to be with you, not for you to leave her because you're selfish. If you cared, you'd stop being such a monster and stay. But, no. It's engraved in your DNA. Submit to your destiny. _

Is that really all I am? If I tried, couldn't I—

"Matthew?" Sveta's worried voice broke him from his… thoughts? "Are… are you alright? You were just standing there, staring at the wall. Sometimes your lips moved, but…" Sveta trailed off, and he turned to her. Somehow, he felt… better. Cleaner. The voice in his head was the one he was used to; earthy, human. Not cruel and distorted. Still, some aura, some feeling hung over him.

"Matthew?" She reached out and touched him, and suddenly, his body felt whole again. A distinct warmth flew across his skin and he began to penetrate. He smiled as the soft, calming presence invaded him. "Matthew? Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," Matthew whispered, short of breath. What the hell was going on? "Don't let go." She raised an eyebrow, and Matthew grabbed her arm to emphasize the point. "…Your touch is so good." He ignored the blush that spread across her face, and pulled her into a hug. For the first moment in the last few days, he felt… good.

"Matthew, what on earth is going on?"Sveta whispered, even though something about her voice made it seem as if she wasn't terribly displeased that she was pressed up against him.

"I've felt so terrible," He whispered, tears falling down his face for reasons he couldn't explain. He felt so comforted, so alive, so warm. "So cold and dark, so hopeless… the voice in my head. But it's all gone now! I feel so good, so—"

"Matthew, I'm glad you feel better," Sveta replied, squeezing his as she said so. "But you're not making much sense. What do you mean?"

"I, I don't know. It's just, touching you. It makes me feel so whole," Matthew said, sighing as he did so. "Can we… lay down, somewhere, and just talk? Or just lay?" He had a feeling that if they disconnected, he would feel terrible. A grave feeling.

"I… I was going to go talk to Karis, so that might not be the greatest idea, for you to come," Sveta said hesitantly. "Perhaps… we could do so later. I'm still slightly confused, though. For now…" She let go of him, and took a step backwards.

Matthew froze, and gritted his teeth, bracing for something he couldn't understand. It hit, softly, but it hit. The anger bubbled back, simmering in the pit of his heart. The despair slowly crept from his ankles up like ants.

"…Please," he whispered, stretching out a hand. To go from such bliss, to such evil… he couldn't bear it.

"Oh, Matthew!" Sveta cried out as he slumped up against the wall. But in that instant, her hand grabbed his side, and he exhaled; the warmth had returned. "Are you alright? I… I guess, if you need to, I can talk to Karis later…"

"Yeah, yeah," Matthew breathed, intertwining his hand in hers. He stumbled down the hallway, pulling her behind him.

"Er… where are we going, Matthew?" She asked nervously, and he shrugged.

They burst through a door, coming to a common room of sorts. "Couch!" He stated bluntly, pointing at the couch in the room before pulling her onto it, along with him. "Warm," He breathed as she landed on him, ignoring her embarrassed stuttering. Sure enough, while touching most of her he felt even better. It was so serene that he was having issues focusing on speaking.

They lied that way for awhile, Sveta's face curled into his shoulder, as Matthew's euphoria slowly faded. He was glad; while he loved the feeling, he felt guilty for not being able to explain to Sveta what was going on. Well, he had no idea himself, but his attempts to make any sense to her had been fairly skewed. He glanced down, and smiled. He hadn't really taken the time to notice how pretty she was as of late.

He cleared his throat, and said, "Hey… sorry about how… crazy I was. I'll try to explain, but to be honest I really don't know what's going on."

"Hmmm?" Came her dozy reply, and he realized with a smile that she was either asleep or very close to it.

"Wake up, silly!" Matthew lifted her head into his hands, and then poked her nose with his hand's index finger. She scrounged her face up for a moment in apparent dissatisfaction, and he chuckled. "Come on Sveta… wake up." He poked her again, and her eyes fluttered open slowly.

"Matthew… I fell asleep… unless I'm still dreaming," Sveta whispered, and he shook his head. She yawned, and it was adorable; her head reared back and a small high pitched yelp came out. "We… you wanted to lie down. I apologize for falling asleep. Are you feeling… warm, still?"

"Yes, I am," Matthew replied. "But I'm much more… me, right now. Like, before I felt hazy. Wonderful, but out of it. I'm more grounded now."

"Ahhh… so, what happened to you?" Sveta asked cautiously. A blush slowly crossed her face, and Matthew realized it was because of how close together their faces were. Well… and their bodies. "Per-Perhaps I should get off of you first…"

"No! It's fine! That's… that's part of what's going on," Matthew replied in an awkward tone. "I need to be touching you, physically, all the time. Uh…" He coughed, both Sveta's look of rife embarrassment with a tinge of pleasure and a red-hot fuzzy feeling in his cheeks highlighting how weird what he just said had sounded. "I mean… look, have you felt any different since what happened at the Apollo Lens?"

"…Hmmm," Sveta whispered, glancing away from him. "Well… yes. I mean, not in the obvious sense; I was broken up over Volechek, but there was something else. I just felt… good. After the initial sadness, I felt happy, strong, full of… light. Why?"

"Huh…" Matthew murmured, more to himself than her. "I… I've felt the opposite. I've felt darkness. Like, I've been so…" He paused, and bit his lip. Should he really tell her? Her eyes were curious, but he could tell that she would not pry if he did not wish to tell her. Well… she had already knew most of his insecurities and issues. He might as well tell her the truth.

"Depressed, for a good five years or so… I don't know how much you know about my father, but living with him in the cabin, without Mom, was… hard." He swallowed, and breathed in, but smiled as Sveta's arm squeezed his back in support. "He just… I know it sounds awful, but I hate him. He treated me like dirt. And, this entire quest, I thought it would be sooo good, I thought I could finally unwind, but it was the opposite… everything that bastard had said was right. Seeing Karis and Tyrell nearly die, nearly dying myself, thinking about Mom, and then the Eclipse, and—!"

Matthew paused, and took a deep breathed. "It was too much… I held it in, tried to bury my feelings. I grew to view everything cynically and my thoughts became darker, but I tried to force them down. But, after what happened at Apollo Sanctum, it's like… all that darkness has grown, has become manifest. Like I can't control it. And it scares me. I've felt so malicious, so angry, so depressed… but, the only thing that changes that is you. Being near you helps, but when I touch you, it all goes away."

"Really?" Sveta whispered, surprise lacing her voice. She bit her lip, and remained silent for a few moments, before saying, "Matthew… I don't want you to take this badly, but when I have been around you, it's almost like… a shadow falls upon me. I still feel fine, but less… good, if that makes sense. But not bad!" She added hurriedly, as his face fell. "I don't mind, if it makes you feel better. Don't worry, it doesn't harm me in the slightest. I had… wondered about this feeling, but I thought I was just being foolish. Do you think that this has to do with the Apollo Lens? And when… we shared souls?"

"I don't know what's going on, Sveta," Matthew replied quietly. "But I think it has everything to do with that… Sveta?" She nodded, and he frowned. "Would you use Spirit Sense on me? I… have this feeling?" Sveta flashed a curious look, but complied, raising her hand and glowing with the familiar power of Psynergy.

Matthew's eyes blinked, as he felt all his strength wane; holding himself upright was incredibly difficult. He strained to see Sveta, who seemed to have grown as weak as he. Except, he didn't just see it; he felt it. Her feelings, her emotions, her thoughts. _Matthew? _Came her voice, confused.

_You fool; why would you bring someone as innocent and as kind as her in a place like this?_ Came something deep within him, as he cringed. It was back, it was—!

_Leave him alone!_ Came Sveta's voice once more, and suddenly he felt excruciating pain for a second, and then emptiness. He blinked, and suddenly smiled dopily, staring up at Sveta. For some reason, nothing else really seemed to matter. His thoughts filled with her smiles, with her beautiful eyes, with the way she made his heart beat; the blissful warmth had returned, and doubly so.

But, why was she blushing? "You… you're still reading my heart, aren't you?" She nodded warily, and he smiled. "I'm sorry… I've lost control over my feelings and thoughts, it seems, and I couldn't hold back what I didn't want you to see like I normally do…"

"It's… fine," Sveta whispered. "It's kind of, an unorthodox way to learn of someone's feelings for you, but it's still very swee—"

"I'd like to say the words myself, before I go under once again," Matthew whispered, his vision already fading. Despite feeling his emotions, something about the thought of hearing them aloud and placed into words made her green eyes dazzle, so much so that he could see little else in the room. This made him smile. "I love you, Sveta."

"I love you too, Matthew," Sveta whispered, tears welling in her eyes. It was so unfair; she didn't want any of this, he knew. She had no doubt hoped that after her brother's death, her life would finally grow happy, and that that happiness would come in the form of him. How could she have known how fucked up he was?

"That's not true…" She said, and he realized dimly that she was still reading his heart. "We all have problems, Matthew… you can be helped. I'll help you."

"Don't… deserve it…" Matthew whispered, feeling his consciousness wane.

"Shh… I'll go get Rief to check you," Were the last words he heard before his head fell, once more, to the couch. At some point, he would need to work out this whole "falling asleep by un-natural causes thing", but for now, another rest, regardless of why it was occurring, sounded like it was for the best.

* * *

><p><em>And the plot thickens. This chapter has a lot of hints about what's going on in the fic, and while most of that is going to be revealed next chapter, a lot of it still evolves as things go on.<em>

_I actually think that, overall, this will probably end up being one of the more important chapters in the fic, and is by far the most balanced one so far; for once, we see Matthew lighten up, which is fun to watch, and adorable Spirit Shipping, which is always cuddly to write (yeah, I used the adverb cuddly there, sue me)._

_There really, really is a lot to this chapter; Matthew's shifting moods, greater hints at his irrational anger, connection to the Apollo Lens and what-not. Needless to say, the first big plot shift is coming :P._

_It was fun writing Matthew from a completely despicable perspective (considering using Karis for pleasure and nothing more) to becoming lovey-duvy when he saw Sveta. I feel kind of bad making Amiti the go-to "I hate you" character, but someone needed to play the role of "person Matthew hates for no good reason". There is a pretty funny scene coming up later where he just completely unloads on Himi though, and I'm looking forward to writing it._

_This fic has shorter chapters than my other fics for a few reasons; one, it makes it much easier for me to get it in on time (not in this case, but you know). Two, it's a lot of thought based things, meaning that exposition is in some chapters very underused. And three, I like playing around with how length affects fics and pacing, and this is kind of an experiment from the norm. So, yeah. Just in case anyone was wondering._

_I never really intended for EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER OF THIS FIC to end with Matthew falling asleep or getting knocked out, but somehow that keeps happening. It can be seen as lazy writing and transitioning if you wish it to be, but (hinty mchinthint) it's also supposed to be representative of his somewhat reduced state. Oh, speaking of that, what was up with him and Sveta at the end? Their souls merged again, and it seems like SHE confronted the evil he's been feeling. I am such a bloody tease :D_

_I'm hoping to post SWWF either tomorrow or Friday, but Saturday's a pretty real possibility, and I honestly have no idea when the next MTJATE will come; that is going to be a big chapter. I haven't started on either, and will probably get no sleep tonight, so it should be a fun blitz to get back on schedule!_

_Thanks for reading!_


	5. The Sorrow that Glistens Just Beneath

_Edit: something that cracked me up about this chapter that I forgot to mention (or I just noticed it later, not sure). The first four chapter title's were minimalistic, each having two or less words, while this chapter's title has the first four's numbers combined, six :D . Weird thing I found funny. This isn't really an edit. Gosh I'm overtired.  
><em>

_Three fics in three days. I honestly didn't think I had it in me (or I at least expected that they would all be terrible… but I rather like this update and the new fic. The latest chapter of AGS? Not so much)._

_I doubt it will be four in four (checked, apparently this is four… I'm confused), due to projects, but four in five should be a real possibility. I actually really loved writing this chapter; at first I feared it to death, and thought that I would be bored and just not want to do it, but then I got a brush of inspiration and zoomed through._

_This is the longest chapter in the fic; not sure how I feel about that, I want to keep this one a little short so I can have some breathing room with the schedule. More after the break._

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: The Sorrow that Glistens Just Beneath<p>

_"…So, don't forget to write," Jenna whispered, rummaging through his pack for what seemed like the hundredth time. Matthew knew that there was nothing missing, and had a feeling that she did too. That she was simply trying to delay his departure... and even though delaying too long would incur Isaac's wrath, Matthew was willing to risk it. He had already spent a good deal of his life at the cabin, and therefore away from his mother… and now, at fifteen, he didn't even know when he would see her next._

_ She smiled at him then, but it was empty. Whether it was because he wasn't the son she wanted, or because he was leaving, he knew not. Matthew knew Jenna loved him, but her eyes always held so much emotion when they glazed over him. For this reason it had been so long since she had truly looked him directly in the eyes._

_ Jenna's eyes used to light up whenever his baby blues looked her way, but now they would tremble slightly before glancing in another direction. And it killed him. In so many ways. Matthew knew she was worried; ever since she had walked into Isaac gripping his throat in the middle of a shouting match, she seemed at complete unease around the both of them._

_ Matthew believed that she had suspected the abuse for a long while; of course, she had dealt with her torment on her own. He knew this from the late-night sobbing that sometimes woke him, and the bruises that covered her stomach. They were often hidden, but he had seen them once or twice, and they sunk his heart like nothing else. He could take Isaac's abuse, but not her. She was already broken enough, ripped asunder by the fact that her husband clearly loved her no longer._

_ While no one had told him, he knew that one of the reasons Isaac had decided to take him to the Goma Plateau was so that the elder Venus Adept would never have to travel to Kalay. And if Matthew had to trade his safety and happiness for hers, so be it. He loved Jenna more than he could ever put into words; she had always been there for him… and yet…_

_ Lately, she had been so broken up that their regular conversations had all but ceased. It made no sense to him; they were both being abused, and by the same force, yet she was unwilling to speak of it. Maybe talking about it was simply too hard for her. _

_ He worried though, about her. About her health, physical and mental, and her feelings toward him. She had put up some minor resistance to Isaac's "training" of him, but his father had quickly won out, and as such Matthew was already beginning to resemble the leader his father envisioned. Already growing cold, already thinking tactically, already becoming more detached. _

_ Nothing scared him more than the idea that Jenna thought he was becoming like Isaac. Even if he was, if she still thought he was the same old Matthew, then he knew he could resist, he knew he could fight back. But if she believed them the same… it would crush him. Her belief in him meant everything to him. _

_ But, above all else, there was the one thing that lingered in the back of his mind… the one fear he hadn't told anyone, even Karis or Tyrell. The one fear that coiled him and left him gasping for breath. He prayed she would understand. _

_ "…Mom," He whispered, his voice raw from spending much of the day crying. She said nothing, merely pausing, and he coughed before continuing. "Do you still… love me? Am I becoming like him?" _

_ He heard her gulp quietly, and silence filled the room for several moments. And then, she spoke, turning to him, and glancing uncertainly at his face. "Your father is stubborn, Matthew… he will want to break you above all else. You shouldn't go."_

_ "You know what would happen if I refused! He'd blame you, and—" Jenna interrupted him simply by shaking her head sadly._

_ "Matthew… you're all I have left, and he's trying to take you away from me. My parents? Gone, like his. Felix? Lost, scarred from our quest… I have nothing but you. Don't give yourself away for me," She pleaded, her eyes holding back tears, but only just. _

_ "…No. I won't let him hurt you. I'm strong, I can stand against him," Matthew said resoundingly, and she let out a light sob._

_ "And that's what I fear; you're so like him, when he was younger… just as stubborn," Jenna replied, her eyes distant. "Just like that man I fell in love with. I thought he was too stubborn to change, and yet here I am, and he is a completely different person." She paused, and slowly walked over to her son. _

_ "If you go, you must promise me this: promise me you won't change," Jenna whispered, grabbing his arm and squeezing it. He fought back his own tears while hers finally spilled. _

_ "I'll never change, Mom…" Matthew whispered, wrapping his arms around her. He couldn't change; for her. If he did…_

_ "Be honest," He spoke suddenly, and his entire body quivered. He had never wanted to speak of this. "…Is it my fault? That Dad changed? That you and him are apart, that you're so miserable, that… that… I shouldn't have been born!" He cried out, all of his strength fading in that moment._

_ Jenna gasped, and pulled him in even tighter. "Matthew, don't ever think that! When your father and I made you, it was in love, and we treasured you. I don't know why he has grown cold… but it's not your fault. In all reality, I think he likes you… he just has a shitty way of showing it. Maybe you can turn him around?"_

_ Matthew, despite the situation, found himself laughing; his Mom had never been afraid to add humor in the saddest of moments to lighten the mood. "Thanks, Mom…" He whispered, not wanting to part from her arms. "I really needed to—"_

_ "Venus, is this is what you've been doing for twenty minutes? Hugging? Does punctuality mean anything to you two?" Came a venomous voice from behind them. Matthew's body became rigid; his father had grown tired of waiting, and had come to get him himself. _

_ "We were just saying goodbye," Jenna said softly, all life draining for her voice. Matthew felt his heart growing colder… why couldn't the bastard at least show her some affection, it was so clear how much she needed it._

_ "Let's go, then," Isaac barked, moving forward and grabbing Matthew by the tunic. _

_ "Let go of me!" He hissed, squirming a bit. His minor resistance earned him a hard slap to the face. Jenna gasped as Matthew began rubbing his cheek; it stung like hell._

_ "It's going to be a real challenge, teaching you obedience," Isaac lamented, shaking his head in disbelief. "Get your pack." Without a word, Matthew sulked over to the table, and slung his pack around his shoulders. He sent a look of longing and a small smile to Jenna, who tried to return it. _

_ "Wif— Jenna," Isaac began; the name sounded so foreign coming from him. "You remember what we said; you come up once every sixth months, and he comes down every six months." How long each stay would last, he didn't clarify; knowing his father, Matthew assumed it would be for a day, if that. "We'll be seeing you," Isaac muttered, and for a second, Matthew almost thought he heard some sadness in his father's voice. _

_ "Well, move!" Isaac shouted, pushing him forward, and Matthew grimaced. Must have been his imagination. As he moved toward the door, he thought of looking back one last time at Jenna. Instead, he refrained from it and walked forward, afraid what he would see if he looked behind him._

* * *

><p>"…Do you think we should use more smelling salts?" Sveta's voice rang in his ears as an unfamiliar smell inhabited his nostrils. Matthew coughed and blinked; thankfully, after numerous instances of it occurring, he was getting used to waking up from un-naturally induced unconsciousness.<p>

"He didn't slap me…" Matthew muttered all of a sudden, touching his face gently and recalling the dream vividly. Most of it had seemed accurate, but the last bit had never happened. "He yelled yeah, but… no slap." So why had he dreamt it? What the hell was wrong with him?

"…Well, he seems to be awake," Came a voice that held just the tiniest hint of condensation in it. Matthew growled, and instinctively reached for the Sol-Blade, only to discover it wasn't on his back… and come to think of it, it hadn't been this entire day, had it? How had he not noticed?

"Did you see that? He just reached for his sword!" Amiti shouted in such an annoying fashion that it managed to shake all of the sleep from his eyes in an instant.

Rearing out of his seat, he shouted, "LIKE I NEED ONE TO TAKE YOU DOW—"

"Matthew!" Came a concerned voice from his side, followed by and arm on his shoulder, and: peace.

"Sveta…?" Matthew whispered, his anger dissipating rapidly. "How long was I out?"

"Only a few hours… here, sit down," She instructed kindly, and he nodded, dazed.

"…I guess you were right, Sveta," Kraden mused, and Matthew suddenly realized that the entire party was around the circular table he was seated at. Good thing he hadn't actually tried to attack Amiti. Now that he thought about it, why would he have in the first place?

"Right about what?" Matthew asked, forgetting the question the moment he asked it as he stared into Sveta's eyes. "So pretty…" She blushed, and coughed.

"Matthew? What was it that you were saying as you woke up?" Sveta asked, changing the subject and now stroking his arm.

"Oh… I was dreaming, about the day I left for the Cabin for good," Matthew replied, shrugging as if the occasion held no weight to him. "In it, Dad hit me… but it's weird, because he didn't when it actually happened. I mean, he hit me plenty of other times, but not THEN. I don't know why I dreamed he did… everything else was pretty accurate, after all…" He trailed off, his haziness beginning to fade, and realization that he was discussing the most painful and secret elements of his life with the entire party dawning on him.

He looked around the table to see his friends exchanging worried glances amongst each other; in particular, Kraden's and Sveta's eyes seemed to be locked in what almost looked like a completely still conversation. After a moment, he noticed that she was lightly glowing purple. So, she was sensing the sage's spirit… did that mean she didn't want him to hear what Kraden was thinking?

"Guys?" He quipped, now nearly completely conscious. "Am I missing something?"

"…More like you've gained something you don't want," Sveta said cryptically, frowning as she squeezed his arm once again. Then, after seemingly thinking better of it, she scooted her chair closer to his, placing both of her arms on him. The contact only made him feel better; that was, until he noticed Karis giving him a hurt look. As soon as she noticed him looking, her expression became bittersweet, and she shifted his eyes. He frowned… she deserved an apology. He was just scared to give it, based on how badly the first had gone.

"Indeed, Sveta is correct," Kraden said, drawing Matthew's attention. The scholar then cleared his throat as he always did before a long speech or address. "You see, we have been discussing your recent… saddened and angry mood while you were indisposed. In reality, the discussion was mostly Sveta and I, as I have the most knowledge of things of this nature, even if my wits are limited in this particular subject, and she seems to also be experiencing symptoms ever since the Apollo Lens."

"Matthew?" Sveta said soothingly, rubbing his check. He smiled dopily, nearly drooling. It faded when he noticed a slight wince on her face. However, as soon as he saw it, she caught him looking and it faded. "What we're about to tell you… just listen and take it in, okay? This isn't something you should over-react to. It's something that needs to be looked at with caution, and understood thoroughly. To be honest, we're not totally sure we know exactly what's going on."

Matthew swallowed, and felt his breathing increase. Whatever they had to tell him, it certainly didn't sound very positive or good. Kraden frowned, and cleared his throat once more before speaking. "We believe that the root of the issues you've been having are a result of your sharing souls with Sveta… you feel dark and angry, correct?"

Matthew glanced downward; this felt like an intervention. With a slight grimace, he realized that was exactly what it was. "Yes… I've had a lot of personal conflict the last few years, and I guess I've kind of repressed my feelings and issues," He began, speaking slowly and with gravity. "Ever since we returned from Apollo Sanctum, it feels like I've just been consumed by darkness."

He paused, and moved uneasily in his chair. Sveta gave him a pat on his back, and he sighed before continuing. "I have negative thoughts about everyone around me… about myself… it's almost like there's another voice in my head, sometimes. And sometimes, I just get filled with such anger, I lash out… it scares me."

He turned to Sveta, gently grabbing her arm in his hand and smiling. "The only thing that makes it better is Sveta. When I'm near her, I feel better, and when I touch her I feel the anger and dark thoughts recede nearly completely."

"That is more or less what she told us about you," Kraden replied, a pensive look across his face. "My dear, would you care to explain to Matthew and the rest of us exactly how you've felt, if only to clarify," Kraden implored to Sveta, who nodded, slight hesitation in her eyes. Matthew had a feeling that he really, really wasn't going to like her reply.

"Ever since the Eclipse ended, and we—my brother—fired the lens…" She paused, taking in a deep breath and whimpering. "I have felt much, much better… while I expected grief, I've been content, if not joyful. I've found it odd, but as you all may imagine, have not complained. Yet…"

She paused again, and stared straight into Matthew's eyes, her own globes melancholy. "Yet when I am near Matthew, my mind drifts back to Volechek's demise, my destroyed country, and the pain I have dealt with through most of my life. I have sought to keep this secret from you," She spoke quickly, grabbing him even tighter as he tried to squirm out of her gasp.

"Because I would rather experience slight discomfort and relive my memories than see you so consumed by darkness. I can take it, Matthew. I want you to feel happy, and even if it wanes on me, I'm willing to feel that for you. We have theories as to why this darkness is attacking you, but…" She trailed off, as she gazed into his cold face.

For the first time, he truly glanced around the table, taking in the expression of everyone sitting at it. Amiti regarded him with obvious distaste, but some sympathy. Himi seemed completely detached, lost in her own thoughts. Eoleo looked grave, but nodded at him with a "cheer-up, mate!" smile when the Mars Adept noticed his gaze. Rief was muttering under his breath, no doubt running through different ideas and solutions in his mind.

Tyrell tapped his arm in a show of friendship, which Matthew greatly appreciated; worries of alienating his best friend had weighed heavily on his mind through most of the meeting. Speaking of alienating friends… Matthew dared to look at Karis, who smiled at him sadly. He tried to smile back, producing a terribly hollow grin, one that turned her smile to a frown. Kraden acknowledged him with a sad nod, and finally, he turned to Sveta. Now that he knew the truth, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, he could see that pain in her bright green eyes; the sorrow that glistened just beneath the surface.

Her touch could not defend him from that thought, and slowly, he began to laugh. It grew quickly into a fever-pitch of hysterics, causing all around him to whisper in concern. "…Matthew?" Sveta asked fearfully, and after chuckling maniacally for another moment, he turned to her.

"It's perfect!" He shouted, raising his free arm, a giddy smile stretched unnaturally across his face. "My entire life, I have always brought pain to everyone around me… my Mom, Karis, and in a sick way, my father. I was everything he hated about himself, wasn't I? That's why it's so hilarious! Finally, it's physical; touching the girl I love LITERALLY fills her with thoughts of her dead brother!"

Sveta began to speak in response, but he silenced her, and struggled to shake free of her grip. "Let me go, Sveta," He whispered, all mock-joviality gone from his voice, replaced with a harsh and aching whisper. "Any light that your embrace gave me before is gone… I can never love its feeling if it burns you so. Please. Let me go."

"No," She said strongly through tears, gripping him to such a degree that her claws scraped his skin. "I won't. You were willing to give me not just your life, but your soul. I will never let you go."

"And that is what we believe to be the issue at hand," Karis interrupted, her usually vibrant eyes murky. With a harsh sinking of his stomach, Matthew realized that Karis was no longer angry at him, and may never have been. Just hurt, and worried; she was a chronic worrier, a fact he used to tease her about. Back when he had actually taken the time to talk to her, one of his best friends.

She had to have seen it, this entire time; she had to have known something was wrong, and now that she saw JUST how bad it was, it must be killing her. That she didn't try to help earlier, that she didn't do more for him after she realized the abuse Isaac was putting him through… he knew Karis, and knew that the guilt would hang over her steadily. And she didn't deserve it. Not at all.

"What we have concluded is that when you two shared souls," Karis continued, her voice quiet and flat. "It had side effects we simply couldn't predict… obviously, there was the danger of Matthew dying, but the need was so urgent, we didn't even consider what other effects could occur…" She sighed, and Matthew could literally see the guilt lining her face for not thinking things through at the Apollo Sanctum. Why was she so damn self-critical?

"To put it plainly, Matthew," She said, her eyes falling to the table. "We think that Sveta absorbed the light from the Apollo Lens, or at least a good deal of it, in the moment right before you two… er, Sveta's body was pushed back. At the same time, we think you absorbed dark energy from the Umbra Gear, or the remnants of the Psynergy Chalis and Blados used."

Matthew gasped… the darkness he felt wasn't something mental, but something literally inside him? She frowned gravely at his reaction, but pressed on. "It's also possible that your soul was weak and susceptible to the darkness because it didn't have its body around to protect itself, if that makes sense. Hell, like I said, the Umbra Gear may have poured some of its darkness into you… after all, the gear was meant to be used solely by beastmen. Regardless of the cause, we believe this darkness is inside you."

"But, there's more," Rief said, drawing all eyes in the room to him. "We think that you might have taken more than just the darkness… it's possible that you took some of Sveta's emotions and thoughts with you as well. Whether or not your received them by completely taking them from her, as in she no longer has them, or merely 'copied them', so to speak, we are not sure. Likewise, the same would have happened to her with your thoughts and feelings… but, because of her being touched by light, and you by dark…"

"I received the majority of the dark feelings, while she received the ones that are happy and… warm," Matthew finished, perfectly understanding what Rief was saying. It made absolute sense, all of it. "So, when we touch, the balance gets shifted back—"

"We're not so sure about that…" Kraden interrupted. "It's almost as if… the darkness in you has grown greater. Like it's feeding off of you. We think that… well, the negative feelings you've stored are like food to it. It's taking them, manipulating you with them, and growing as a result. However, the good news is the dark seems to be much weaker than the light… in other words, that is why Sveta only feels slightly worse when touching you, while you feel leagues better."

"So what do I do to stop it?" Matthew asked, and everyone around the table shared sad glances. "…No…"

"We have no real idea, Matthew," Sveta said, despair in her voice. "Karis, Kraden, Rief and I discussed this earlier, which is why we have done most of the speaking during this… meeting. But we came to no decision on how exactly we would combat this darkness… all we could think of is that you should, um, be in contact with me as often as possible. Including when we sleep."

She added the last bit in under her breath so only he could hear, and despite the dire situation, he couldn't help but smile. At least something good would come out of this tragedy. "I have a few questions," Matthew said after a lengthy silence. "First, why did I only really start to feel the effects of the darkness a day or so after we got back from the Apollo Lens? And… what are the chances that this is a plan of the Tuaparang's? What if they're trying to control me with darkness?"

"Both very wise questions, Matthew," Kraden replied with a warm smile. The compliment, no matter how small, made him feel a slight sliver of pride. "For the second, we discussed that possibility in length and detail, and deemed it unlikely. Your affliction seems to have everything to do with you and Sveta sharing souls, and while if anyone would have the capabilities to do something so vile as attacking one's soul, it would be the Tuaparang, if they had that capability they most likely would have used it earlier on the entire rather party, rather than after their plan had failed and they were defeated.

"Your first point, though, is very interesting. While it is perfectly reasonable to believe that the darkness simply took some time to work, I wonder… when was the last time your Sol Blade was strapped to you?" Kraden asked, and suddenly Matthew's head grew ablaze with understanding. The Sol Blade was built of light. It had repelled the shadow, until he had removed it that night.

"I took it off that night… and that's when the nightmares began, and then the bad thoughts began the next day," Matthew muttered, his eyes wide. So, at least he had another tool besides Sveta to fight off the feelings; he just needed his sword back. Wait. Sveta. He glanced at her, a bittersweet look on his face, and suddenly laugher rang from the opposite end of the table.

Tyrell pounded the table as he laughed, and upon viewing Karis's questioning and angry look, he began to form an explanation. "What, you don't see it in his face? He's sad he doesn't have to touch Sveta twenty four seven anymore, because he can just use the Sol Blade! He thought he was going to get to sleep in the same bed as her, be in the room when she changed, and… OW!" Tyrell exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder where Karis had deftly punched him. By that point, Eoleo had started snorting with laugher, earning harsh glares from Himi and Amiti.

"…I can't believe he got all of that out of that one look," Matthew stated to himself more than anyone else; Tyrell knew him better than he thought the Mars Adept did. Suddenly, he realized what he had said, and coughed. "I mean, not like it's true, but… er…"

"Actually, it would probably be best if you do stay in contact with her as much as possible," Kraden interrupted, a twinkle in his eye. Matthew breathed out; the old sage was saving his butt from a terribly awkward situation. "We do not know how effective the Sol Blade will be in repelling the darkness, especially if it has grown. You should of course wear it, but staying near Sveta would be for the best as well."

"And now he looks happy as a clam!" Tyrell shouted, pointing to his friend's smiling face; Matthew quickly tried to remove the look of glee, but he had a bad feeling the damage was done. Ignoring Karis taking Tyrell in a headlock, he began to worry about what Sveta must be thinking of him by this point.

_It's alright, _came a voice from inside his head. _I'll do whatever you need me to… no need to be embarrassed. _It was Sveta's, and despite her reassurance, she seemed slightly embarrassed as well; perhaps she wanted this as much as he did.

_T-That's not what I meant!_ Came her voice once again, and Matthew blushed. "Wait…" He said slowly, turning to her. "Since when can we communicate telepathically?" She shrugged, and replied via his mind,_ Must be a result of us sharing souls._ "…You can only see what I'm thinking of at the time, right?" _Matthew, you don't need to worry about me discerning your feelings for me… you already confessed them once earlier today, and a second time a few minutes ago._

"Oh," He said, scratching his head. "Right. Sorry… it's been a—" _Rough couple of days? You can say that again!_ He couldn't help it; he smiled. Why wouldn't he? Having Sveta's voice inside his head was infinitely better than the venomous drone he had grown used to.

"At any rate," Kraden interrupted, sensing the meeting was near its end. "You two stick together like two sides of the same slice of bread (Tyrell gave a look indicating that the metaphor had sailed right over his head), and I will pour through all of my tomes to find anything that could be relevant to this situation. An expert on Umbra and Sol Psynergy would be best, but… well, I know of only one such person, and I'm sure they would be hard to track down. Meeting dismissed, I will let you all know if I find anything worth mention."

With that, the scholar raised himself from the table and began to make his way toward his study; unsurprisingly, Rief joined him. The others began to disperse, looks of relief abound at the news that they knew what was wrong with Matthew and that, even if they weren't positive as to how to fix it, they had something to hold it at bay. Tyrell and Karis, to Matthew's slight happiness, walked off holding hands, while Eoleo and Amiti made their way down the hallway, exchanging a salvo of snarky comments as Himi brought up the rear, shaking her head at their banter.

Matthew turned to Sveta, and simply stared into her eyes. "Well, we should probably get the Sol Blade… where is it?" He asked, and she nodded.

"My room," She replied, standing up, and taking his hand. As cool as hearing her voice in his head was, hearing it aloud was somewhat nicer. Regardless, things seemed to be looking up; he now knew that he wasn't going insane, he felt better, and he was going to be spending a lot of time with Sveta. And maybe once he put on the Sol Blade, it would repel the darkness to a degree that she no longer felt anything negative when touching him. He could hope, at least.

"…Hey," he said as they neared her room, and she nodded in acknowledgement. "After this, would you like to go out on the deck and… watch the waves?"

"I would love to… a nice little date," She replied, light flirtation in her voice.

"And, uh, one more thing," He whispered, gulping. "Like I said, it's been a rough few days, so I don't exactly remember telling you that I loved you, let alone your response. I… think I know what it is, but…"

"I love you too," She whispered before brushing her lips against his, sending a whole new kind of warmth through his body. "Happy?" She asked with a smile as their lips parted, and he grinned.

"For the first time in a while, yes I am."

* * *

><p><em>Favorite part of this chapter; Isaac calling Jenna wife and switching to her name midway. So terrible. I don't know why, but I get a kick out of writing him as an asshole. Also got to use the word scooted. Happy about that.<em>

_I tried to partially mislead with the title; it made it seem like the chapter would be gloomy, but in the end this was probably the happiest chapter in the fic! Which is nice; too much angst and it's just unreadable. It was fun getting to put in the little bit at the end with Tyrell teasing Matthew :P More joy!_

_I think, out of all of the chapters and whatnot I've posted, this might be one of my favorite bodies of work; I really like everything about it._

_This chapter had a lot to it… more building between Sveta and Matthew, the other characters getting more of an introduction (even though some have virtually no part to play). I like the flashback sequence a good deal, as it introduced Jenna and gave a bigger look into the asshole that is Isaac. It's interesting, though; how much of it might be in Matthew's head? I ain't telling!_

_This chapter really has a lot of reveals to it too. Obviously, more come as the fic goes on, but this is the first real, "Oh, so that's what happened" chapter. I really find the entire Sveta/Matthew soul sharing concept incredibly fascinating. There are so many ways to play with it; I have another multichap set in mind way down the road that takes an even weirder look at it. Needless to say, I had fun, making that such a big plot point._

_There are a ton of other little hints and allusions to things in this chapter too, along with parallels and the such. I think it has the most depth out of anything I've written, which I'm proud of. Just in general, I've been getting down on myself about the quality of my writing, and I think this was a bit better. Improvement? I hope so!_

_The next chapter will continue the trend of making things a bit happier, with lots of cute but awkward Spirit Shipping moments, along with another Matthew/Karis confrontation. I'm looking forward to writing that. Okay, I need sleep; just happy to get this done. Oh, and thanks a lot for all the reviews on the last chapter! It really made my week, and gave me the motivation to push to get my schedule back on track (SWWF due Thursday or Friday, by the way). Thank you for reading!_


	6. Renewal

_It's been a long time for this fic as well, so finally, an update! I realize that after every one I keep apologizing for delays, but, I probably will keep doing so, simply because I feel bad about it. Anyway, here is the update, enjoy!_

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: Renewal<p>

Matthew yawned as he squeezed his favorite stuffed animal, Captain Fluz-Wuz. The teddy-bear had been a gift from Ivan on his third birthday, and despite Isaac's vehement protests that he was much too old to still be sleeping with a stuffed animal, Matthew still found ways to sneak him into his bed every night.

Of course, judging by the light slowly piercing his eyes, it was morning. He had slept well, his arm wrapped around Captain Fluz-Wuz the entire night. And yet… something wasn't right. Captain Fluz-Wuz wasn't quite so large, and he certainly couldn't breathe. So why…?

Oh, right. It was probably because he wasn't six anymore, what he was grasping onto wasn't Captain Fluz-Wuz (but Sveta, who he prayed was still asleep), and sure enough, his hand was cupping her breast. Wonderful. Only the third time this week he had woken up as such.

Matthew began to slowly remove his hand as he silently cursed his newfound hallucinations, when he heard an adorable, blissful squeak come from the girl lying beside him. "Oh, are you awake Matthew?" Came Sveta's voice, and he gulped while quickly pulling his hand away, and laying it on her side.

"Y-Yeah," He stuttered, and she sighed.

"Matthew, I know where your hand was… it's alright, I've gotten used to it," Sveta replied, and he bit his lip. "You just… get caught up in your dreams. You know I don't think you're taking advantage of me, right? I mean, I can read your spirit, and it's clear you're not just reaching out and grabbing my breast for the fun of it."

"…They just remind me of that gods-damned teddy bear," He moaned, pulling his hand off and turning away from her. What a stupid idea; even though she was still right next to him, a wave of cold immediately enveloped his body. Thankfully, his better half wasn't as foolish, and she immediately moved over and wrapped her arm around him.

"You're too kind to me," He said in weak protest. Matthew really did feel bad about what he was putting Sveta through… being in constant contact was more than a little trying, and made trips to the bathroom very, very interesting. At first, Sveta had been caring enough to actually suggest that they didn't separate while relieving themselves, but Matthew had shot down the idea very quickly. Instead, whichever one of them had to go rushed in and out as fast as possible, a strategy which had so far been successful.

Then, there was the obvious problem of sleeping. Matthew just grew too dopey and out of it when in contact with her while asleep: many of his dreams had become incredibly fantastic and bizarre, which led to him doing some… odd things while he was asleep, and as such waking up to find himself in odd or awkward positions.

Jenna had always told him that he was very restless while sleeping, but he wasn't aware to what degree until he started occupying the same bed as Sveta. Often enough, she would look as if she had been in a wrestling match immediately after he woke up. This was only made worse by his recent rash of bizarre dreams. He had no idea WHY he had reverted to dreaming about his child-hood stuffed animal (though now that he thought about it Sveta's fur was very similar to Captain Fluz-Wuz's, and realized grimly that his toy may have been crafted from Beastmen fur).

There was also the obligatory dreams of wresting with furry animals, like dogs or cats, and he had woken up more than once absolutely convinced he was under five and had made his way to his mother's bed due to a bad dream or being cold. At least he hadn't tried to breast-feed… yet (he didn't even want to think about what a sex-dream could lead to). Thank the Gods they had possessed the foresight to sleep heavily-clothed.

She, of course, put up with all of this with nay but a warm grin and shake of her head when he prodded if she was getting absolutely sick of him. Then again, he couldn't really read her mind to tell if she was telling the truth or not. They had agreed (thought Matthew now regretted doing so) that she could have free reign to probe his mind as to make sure no dark thoughts were overtaking it.

In theory, this was a great idea. In practice? Utter hell. Matthew needed SOME thoughts to himself, such as the day where he had stupidly started to fantasize about Sveta and she had read his heart in the middle of it. That had been an awkward hour of silence, as it hadn't been the most timid of fantasies either.

Then again, he was being whiny; in all honesty, being connected to Sveta twenty-four-seven was a dream come true. He had worried that the contact would only cause him to grow tired of her, but the opposite had proven true. He had picked up on even more of her adorable mannerisms, like the way she slowly licked her lips with her tongue when she was hungry, or how she would lean in every now and again to take in a deep waft of his scent.

Matthew had obviously already determined Sveta to be a wonderful person, but now he was just head over heels for her. He wondered how much of that was the inner happiness she brought him because of their condition, but he had a feeling it went beyond that; he genuinely loved her. She was so adorable, so thoughtful, so sweet… every moment he spent with her was bliss.

And that was the problem, above all else. He had no idea how badly she felt when in contact with him. Matthew knew from experience that Sveta was exceptionally good at hiding things from people when she wanted to, and worried that their constant contact was grating on her. That his darkness was slowly wearing her down, and that she was simply too kind to say so. Still…

"You're still worried about me, then?" She purred, and he realized with a sigh that she had once again read his heart.

"…I can't help it, I don't want to hurt you," He whispered, turning over and looking into her beautiful green eyes. She blushed as he did so; while they tried to, it was impossible to ignore the fact that they were constantly sleeping in the same bed as each other. And, that was very awkward coupled with the fact that they were quite infatuated with each other and had only recently admitted that.

Not to mention that their feelings had been pushed into the forefront because Matthew had been overcome by a dark force. If time had taken its course, who knows how long it could have taken one of them to admit they loved the other? Maybe… it wouldn't have happened at all. And so, Matthew once again found a reason he was delighted about the current situation, and yet knew moments later he would most likely find a new reason to lament it. So their union went.

"You shouldn't worry. I'm fine," Sveta whispered, leaning forward and kissing him lightly on the lips. He doubted that, but said nothing, hoping she would refrain from peering into his heart once more. Thankfully, it appeared that was the case, or at least she said nothing more.

"Let's… get up, we should start the day," Matthew said, and Sveta nodded in agreement. They split off, getting dressed being the only other time they separated. Even then, though, they remained in the same room. Once you started sleeping in the same bed as someone, other awkward encounters became much more manageable.

Besides, it wasn't like either of them would be brazen enough to take peaks at the other, no matter how enticing the idea may be. "Speak for yourself!" Sveta replied to his thought as he pulled down his sleep pants, and he cracked a grin.

"Is that all I am to you, eye-candy?" Matthew shot back, carefully unraveling the Sol Blade as he did so. This idea had been his own, and he was proud of its ingenuity: the Venus Adept had more or less encased the powerful sword inside its sheath and then inside another protective coating so that it was safe to touch from any angle. Then, he would attach it to his leg with cloth ties, and in this way he could sleep with it on him without posing a potential danger to himself or Sveta.

"Says the man who constantly wakes me up with his hands touching my chest," She retaliated, and any comeback died in his throat. That was kind of an unwinnable argument. "Of course it is, I made it," Sveta said with a sense of mock-arrogance, and Matthew smiled once more. He knew she was simply trying to keep him in good spirits while they were apart, for however how brief, and it was working.

Of course, when he did undo the sword from its position wrapped along his leg (which was just as uncomfortable to sleep with as it sounded… thankfully Sveta had been willing to use Sleep to induce his slumber the past week), he brought it down and stood on it with one foot. In this way, it never stopped touching his body.

While it all seemed a bit over-done at times, even to him, all it took to remind him how important these precautions were was a mental image of Karis nearly at tears from his rage, or the idea of what Sveta was sacrificing to keep him healthy.

"…Karis," He whispered aimlessly, and Sveta's ears perked up, catching his voice.

"What about her? You two have seemed… alright recently," Sveta replied, and Matthew gulped. He hadn't meant to turn this into a conversation. True, he and his oldest friend had been amiable around each other, even though most of the party tended to leave Matthew alone as it was. They hadn't spoken, but she would smile and wave when she saw him, and he tried to do the same, even though every such instance made him wracked with guilt for what she had gone through in the name of helping him.

"I've been meaning to talk to her. No offense, but… I want to do it alone," Matthew responded, expecting a quick no because of his condition. Instead, there was uneasy silence. He turned, somehow sensing that Sveta was dressed (it was almost as if they sent each other mental cues, sometimes), and gazed at her.

She nodded, and said, "I think you should. She seems very torn up about everything that has happened regarding you in the last week."

"It's my fault, all of it," Matthew whispered, his shoulders sinking. Sure enough, Sveta's hand occupied one of them a moment later (spreading warmth through his body), and he glanced to see her eyes close to his. While she did read his heart often, she would also let him form his own words when it was clear he wanted to.

"I should have been clearer with her early on, and I know she blames herself for what happened to me with the darkness, even though it's not her fault," Matthew said sullenly. "And, I think she might even blame herself for when I yelled at her. She's so damn noble, and I just keep hurting her."

"I was… hesitant to be with you at first, Matthew," Sveta said suddenly, and he blinked in surprised. "I didn't want to steal you from Karis. I still feel some guilt, there… she confided in me her feelings for you, and I honestly revealed I felt the same."

"I had no idea, you two didn't fight or anything like—" Matthew began, but Sveta giggled.

"Oh, no!" She replied, swiping her paw playfully. "We were both very cordial, it was kind of sweet in a stupid way. We kept trying to say the other should go after you, and eventually decided we would just let things play out naturally. I… miss her though. Talking to her."

"Me too," Matthew replied with a sad nod, and sighed. "So, you think it's a good idea? If I talked to her, and apologized?"

"I think it would be fine, as long as you have the Sol Blade," Sveta said softly, nuzzling his cheek as she did so. He smiled blushingly.

"You're the cat's pajamas; you know that, right Sveta?" He teased, and she giggled.

"If you think you're getting brownie points for the animal pun, think again," She replied, and he sighed. It had been worth a shot.

* * *

><p>Matthew breathed in as Sveta gave him a curt nod before she walked a bit further down the hallway. After all, with her ears she would be able to hear the entire conversation if she remained by the door, and she was decidedly for the conversation being private, but still needed to be nearby in case anything went wrong. Matthew had a good feeling that he would be fine though, as he had been practicing separating with Sveta for periods of time, and the Sol Blade seemed to do the trick for the most part.<p>

Still… that was walking around, and not talking to the person who had, however unintentionally, turned him into a seething berserker. He wanted to be cautious, and he was determined to rush out of the room if he felt even a slight tinge of anger.

So, determined to not linger and perhaps change his mind, Matthew knocked on the door. "Coming!" Came Karis's cheery voice, and he smiled. He was glad she seemed upbeat.

"Hi," He said awkwardly as she opened the door. Karis eyed him uncertainly and nearly stepped backwards before she caught herself.

"H-Hey, what's up? Where's Sveta?" She asked, and he coughed.

"Down the hall… I wanted to talk to you," He replied, motioning to come in. She stared at him worriedly for a few moments, and he felt his stomach churn uneasily. What if… oh Gods, what if their relationship was beyond repair?

"Sure, I guess that's fine," She replied emotionlessly after a few moments, and he nodded, holding in the sigh of relief he felt at her words. "You've been doing better, then?" She asked as they moved in and he shut the door.

"Yeah, Sveta's been helping a lot," Matthew replied, then bit his lip at his choice of words.

"I'm glad," Karis responded with no resentment, only sadness. Matthew didn't reply, but stared at ground. "Matthew?" She asked after the silence lingered, and he shut his eyes.

"I'm going to be honest," He said slowly, turning to her and looking into her eyes. "I really fucked up, Karis." Her face scrunched at these words, and he could tell her feelings were equal measures of agreement and sadness.

He continued, knowing his oldest friendship was on the line. "You mean so much to me. And, I know that I don't feel the same way that you do, but you've always been there for me. You're the sister I never had, and I… I don't want to lose you. I'm scared that I already have."

She shuddered and turned away from him, and Matthew had to stop himself from rushing over and embracing her. "I don't want an apology, because I don't deserve one," He forced out, tears beginning to stream down his face. Slowly, he felt the darkness manifesting, but he fought it with every bone in his body. It WOULD NOT take Karis from him.

"I just want you to be honest with me, and to let you know how sorry I am," He said, each word making his soul ache more and more. He had tried to block out JUST how terribly he had treated Karis, but now the memories from his shouting-fest came back clearly. "I have no excuse. No matter what's in me, or affecting me, I still said those words myself, and they were despicable and evil and… not what I believe."

More silence, and he had the sinking feeling that she was done speaking to him. But, he refused to leave, refused to— a small sniffle, and then Karis turned around. Her eyes were just as awash with tears as his own.

"I couldn't stand it," She whispered, and her voice nearly broke his heart. "What you said about me… it hurt so bad, Matthew, and I just… I don't know. I really don't. I know you didn't mean them, but everything you said had truth to it, even if it was…" Her eyes sunk to the floor. "Twisted. And even if they were all lies, they… I couldn't help but believe that those thoughts are how you think of me."

He let the words hang in the air for a few moments, and then suddenly knew what he had to do. Matthew stepped forward, and moved to embrace his friend. And, then… _She's not worth your time. Look at her, she's nearly broken, finish her—FUCK OFF!_ Matthew nearly had the urge to smile as he stamped out the darkness, and finally reached Karis. She gazed into his eyes with uncertainty, and he briefly wondered what she would do, as he reached out his arms and threw them around her.

She remained still for a moment, before she returned the embrace, and with a quivering voice Matthew began to speak once more. "That's not how I think of you. Not at all. Everything I said was just… bullshit my anger spewed, because I guess I'm a little jealous of you."

"Jealous?" She whispered, a trace hint of amusement in her voice.

"Yeah, jealous," He replied, smiling, and ruffled her hair a little after a moment of consideration. "You're so smart, and I've wondered at times whether or not you'd be better at leading than I am, and… well, I'm an idiot, so even though I hate being the leader, it's kind of instilled in me that that's what I'm supposed to be, so I'm very possessive of it. And whenever you would help me, I tried to be thankful, but part of me felt threatened. My fault, not yours."

"You're right, that is pretty stupid," She said with a giggle, and he smiled. Whatever the hell he was doing, it was working. "But I forgive you. Tyrell's right, sometimes I'm way too bossy…"

"You're only trying to help when you are," Matthew countered, and though he couldn't see her face, he knew Karis was smiling. "And… you should hate me for this one Karis, but when I told you that I didn't want to be with you, it hurt me. I felt like I had led you on, and I think… when the darkness took me, it tried to convince me that it was you and not me. That you weren't good enough for me, and—"

"Better be one hell of an and," She hissed, and he patted her back, but realized that she was correct. Now was not the time to screw up his words.

"And it was all lies. You're a wonderful girl, and I'm blessed to know you," He replied, and he felt her squeeze him a bit tighter. "I hate myself for everything I said to and thought about you, and I take all of it back. I can only imagine how much it must have hurt, and you didn't deserve any of it. If it wasn't for how caring, thoughtful, and supportive you are, I wouldn't be here right now. You're one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn't live without you."

He creased his brow as silence reigned once more, but said nothing. He knew she must have a lot to sort through in her mind, and— "You're just as good at being an apologetic saint as you are a raging asshole," She replied with a bit of bite, but a good deal more friendliness in her voice, and he let out a sigh of relief. Whether or not he deserved it, she had forgiven him.

"Thank Venus," He whispered, and his embrace, which had been reserved, turned into a full on hug. He lifted her up a little and squeezed, and he heard her laugh. He had been worried he had ruined that laugh for himself, but no longer.

"I don't want to ruin the mood," Karis said, and Matthew, worried he had overdone it, gulped and let her to the ground. "No, it's just… I feel guilty," She admitted, and his brow creased as he waited for her to continue. "You see, all of this, with your dad, with your stress from leading, with the Eclipse… I should have been there for you, and I wasn't."

"Karis," Matthew replied, saddened. "I tried to block out all of you. Tyrell, you, everyone. I shut myself out, and I know that you are a constant worrier, and feel like somehow, some of this rests on your shoulders, but it doesn't. You were always there for me, and that's what mattered most. I knew if I wanted to, I could speak to you, and your smiles, pats on the back, they all kept me going. Don't blame yourself for what I did to myself, give yourself credit for what you did for me."

"…I guess we're both idiots, huh?" Karis asked, and Matthew chuckled.

"I am, but I think you're the smartest person I've ever known," Matthew replied, but then winced. "Crap…"

"The darkness?" Karis asked, and he nodded.

"I think I need to get back to Sveta," He murmured, his head beginning to ache, and vague whispers echoing in his head. "But… I'm so glad. That, you know, that we're back to where we were. Do you feel… good?"

"Best I've felt in weeks," Karis replied with a smile, a light blush crossing her face. "But don't wait up, we need to keep you happy and joyful, rather than moody and angry. Go back to Sveta, and tell her I say hi."

"I'll be sure to," Matthew said with a smile, and with a nod he turned away and moved toward the door.

"Matthew?" Karis started despite herself as he was about to close it and halfway through. He turned, and she said with a bright grin, "Thank you!" He, despite the creeping sensation in his mind, smiled and nodded, and then shut the door.

After a moment, Karis's smile faded, and her eyes dropped to the ground. As her hand grasped her side, she whispered sadly to the man who had just left her brimming with a wave of emotions, "I love you, Matthew." The words echoed emptily as she closed her eyes, and let out a weary sigh.

* * *

><p>"I can tell it went well," Sveta said warmly, as he exited the room, and Matthew nodded.<p>

"Very. I'm glad," He replied, wincing slightly, much to her concern. He reached out and grasped her arm, letting out a sigh of relief as he did so. "It got a little trying toward the end though. I had to fight… whatever it is off. But I did, and Karis seemed much happier. I was so worried."

"I'm proud of you, Matthew," Sveta replied glowingly, taking his free hand in hers. "I was worried too, but you should be proud. You're fighting it, and you won for the sake of yourself and Karis."

He nodded, and followed her as she turned and began to walk. Yet, in the back of his mind, the whisper remained. And while he could not be sure, he swore it moaned in malice one word: _Soon._

* * *

><p><em>Who's a jackass for ending a mostly happy chapter on two really sour notes? I AM! The moment at the end was scary, but the part with Karis killed me. I hate having to choose between Dawn or Spirit Shipping.<em>

_In happier news, finally a chapter with some significant lighthearted action. Sveta and Matthew are beyond adorable, and I love writing their banter. Especially with Sveta doing everything she can to keep him in a good place. Their flirting made me very happy, and I hope it was a nice break from ALL DAT ANGST._

_It certainly was a nice break for me as an author, because too much angst is just unbearable sometimes. Even switching the fic I'm working on doesn't erase the feeling, simply because I know that THIS stories characters still are angsty wrecks. And, while the break is nice… it's all going to hell soon. How soon? Mwahahahahaha!_

_I wasn't going to let the Karis/Matthew angst linger to long though, simply because even if I'm not shipping them they as two people knowing each other make me happy to write interacting._

_Well, I'm a little burnt out from getting this done and other writing, so I'm going to end it here (and play Pokemon until my muse strikes me and I start working on the second half of Benevolence). Thanks for reading! The next update shouldn't be too far ahead in the future._


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